Tuesday, June 19, 2012

5 Rules I've learned about Hair

I make it no secret that my hair and I are in a constant battle. Like a teenager, it does what it wants, when it wants, without thinking of any one else. But like a parent of an unruly child I am partly to blame (the remaining part I blame on genetics). For the better half of my life I've dyed my hair. I've won some and lost a lot. Right now I love my hair color! But as the saying goes "I've had to kiss a lot of frogs to catch a prince." I've been almost every "natural" hair color you can think of....brown, black, red, all types of blond... strawberry, light, dark, bleach, even greenish. In the beginning I was a firm Do It Yourselfer...but after more than a few oopsies I totally get spending money on a professional. So as someone who's been through a lot with her hair I feel the need to share some rules that I've learned over the years.


1. YOU WILL NEVER LOOK LIKE THE WOMAN ON THE BOX. This model/actress/singer/person is designed to make mere mortals feel like shit, has had her hair photo shopped within an inch of its life, and has probably had more extensions than Britney Spears. I wish that companies would put a normal person on the box after she's dyed her hair, then rinsed and blown it out. I picture her wearing that old ratty t-shirt(from an old boyfriend or one she got for free) that has a bunch of old hair dye stains on it.

My surprisingly cute oops hair color with my puppy Baloo

2. YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME PRETTY BIG BALLS TO BLEACH YOUR HAIR AT HOME. "You have to bleach it to go a little lighter," said my best friend Amy. An hour later we were driving to K-mart to get a brown close to my natural hair color, with my hair stashed away in Amy's 311 beanie. Going lighter at home is hard. I've done it but have never had the desired effect that I wanted. Once shockingly it actually turned out a cute strawberry blond which turned into greenish blond after a summer spent in the pool. So good luck but be prepared to smell like bleach for a few days

Great on her... Not on me

3. WAIT A MONTH TO CUT/DYE YOUR HAIR AFTER A BREAK-UP. I never learn my lesson with this one. In high school after my "boyfriend" dumped me (for the 3rd time) and then started dating someone else only 2 days later, I went in to get the Meg Ryan. You know, the Kate and Leopold short and choppy layers Meg Ryan. Which is cute but I have hair that can't make up it's mind. It's curly and wavy and straight all at once not to mention fine and frizzy. Needless to say, this was not a good look. For the rest of the school year I spent my mornings straightening it just to throw it up in a bunny tail (not pony) and sprinkle it with bobby pins. Break-ups suck especially if you're the breakee not the breaker, but you know what sucks even worse? Running into your ex with your not so fabulous spur of the moment hair cut/color.

Wendy Williams Queen of Weaves

4. GIVE IT A BREAK/THE GREAT UNWEAVE AND LEAVE OF 2011. After having my hair bleached for my Faye Ray Halloween costume (I go hard for Halloween) I dyed it back to brown then did an at home "color be gone", then had it dyed to some crappy brownish purple color then tried to go back to brown with highlights that made me look like a tiger. All within a span of 2 months. If you haven't figured it out yet I'm a fan of instant gratification but never learn my lesson. Well, my hair was fried! So in between the nightly deep conditionings, I spent an arm and a leg getting my hair safely to a normal color and had all the unsaveable stuff cut off. It was short, too short for my liking, so I had the bright idea to get extensions but quickly found out that I did not have the money for good extensions. So I bought some cheap ones at Sally Beauty and trucked it on down to the nearest Empire Beauty School. Now I will say, before this I have never had a bad experience at Empire. They are just like a normal salon but with students and all at a fraction of the price. You do take a risk, because even though there are professionals watching and helping, anything can go wrong. So I asked to have my extensions put in. OW! 2 hours later I had my very own mullet. But I was so worried about hurting the girls feelings I said nothing. I left thinking maybe it's not so bad...... When my Dad looked at me sideways and said "What did you do to your hair?" (not the first time he's said that) I knew it was bad. So after only 4 hours of having a weave I sat at my dining room table and winced as my father proceeded to cut it out. The greatest part of it all was a few days earlier my friend Kristi and I were driving downtown at 12 at night and saw a weave on the road. I wondered out loud what the situation would be that a weave would end up in the middle of Blvd of the Allies at 12 o'clock in downtown Pittsburgh. Kristi then said "Well maybe she got into a fight and had to unweave and leave." Later Kristi refereed to my weave story as "The Great unweave and leave of 2011." I guess the moral of the story is to be patient with your hair. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was hair like a Victoria Secret model.

After I wrote this I realized I didn't have any good pictures of my hair. So this is it. Right out of the shower and air dried. P.S. I have no make up on so be nice.

5. IF YOU LOVE IT PUT A RING ON IT. I'm a huge fan of change. I crave it. I have my mother, who believes it is acceptable to move every 3-5 years just cause "it's time" to thank for my love of change. Honestly, if you find a hair style you love keep it that way! It took me until 3 months ago to get through all that hair dye. Last summer I had my hair dyed Ombre. That where it's darker on top then fades into blond. I know it sounds crazy and probably is a fad but I loved it! Well after a few months I got the "change bug" and dyed it a dark brown. Instantly I missed my ombre locks. I thought maybe I'll get use to it but I kept going back and regretting my decision to change. So after I started my new job and found out if it was OK to sport a little bit of funky hair, I got my ombre hair back and I love it. Not only do I get tons of compliments on it but I find it easier to do my hair. Apparently ombre was made for wavy/curly/straight hair. Now that my hair has finally had time to grow out I can let it air dry and get nice beachy waves. So if you love it stick with it. I'm not saying that I'll be an 85 year old woman with Ombre hair but who knows? Plus at 85 I plan on having pastel blue hair just like my Great Grandmother did. Oh, and with really big hats!

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